Britney's New Letter Of Truth!

Looks like Britney's writing again.
Brace yourselves.

STREAM OF CONSCIOUSNESS

March 30, 2005

Dear False Tabloids,

As you read this letter, I bet you are asking yourself: Who? Who, me? Am I a false tabloid? Well, I don't know. But after this posting, I hope you are asking yourself a lot of questions. Your employees are a reflection of your magazine. Do you, Us Weekly, In Touch, Star and other desperate magazines want employees who are honest, or those who are liars? It seems to me that you'd prefer the latter. I'm really concerned about the people you hire to work at your companies. I'd like them to ask themselves the question, "What am I lying to myself about?" Is it that you are 50 pounds overweight? Is it that your children aren't making wise decisions? Or is it maybe that your husband or boyfriend is cheating on you? Until you face what is going on in your life, I guess you'll remain a false tabloid.

Britney

P.S. People Magazine is great in my book!

Good Riddance Ray & Deana

I really don't know if last night's episode could of been anymore exciting then it was. I could hardly contain myself (sorry Poppy & Martin) it definitely was a season saving episode for me.

We got to see how tough Meredith and Gretchen were. I think I would of cried like a baby if Phil took all of my possessions after the day they had. They really impressed me. Gretchen's voice still makes my teeth hurt but she rocked this week.

We got to see Rob & Amber loose their little CBS sparkle this week. Rob asking Amber to make a decision and Amber giving him the "you're not getting sex for a week" look was truly hilarious. Of course, she still wasn't able to make a decision.

Oh and Amber, people who recognize you and Rob from Survivor and drop everything to help you are not called "guardian angels" they're called "a huge unfair advantage".

I was really happy to see that Phil actually called them on not stopping to see if the brothers were OK. I mean, even if you weren't going to stop, how hard would it be to slow down and roll down your window? I guess that's the kind of people they are. And why didn't they show Rob & Amber refusing to give Meredith & Gretchen money? Was that just clever editing?

The best part of this season so far was that foot race. I couldn't watch it sitting down, I was pulling for the brothers so hard I thought I was going to explode. I am SO happy for them! Poor Ray & Deana, the couple who just couldn't work together lost together in a really humiliating way. Karma's a bitch.
I couldn't be happier that Meredith & Gretchen outlasted them.
Woo Hoo!

I know I'm forgetting a whole bunch of stuff but my dinner's ready and I'm starving.

P.S.

Dear Mister POW,
Do you really think traveling around the world wearing your ARMY t-shirt is appropriate? Just wondering.

Seal Hunt

My lovely sister Jessa has been posting about the shame of Canada (yes I mean the seal hunt that started today)
If you're interested check it out at Spinning Plates.

Ewww

I know, I know, this is not very nice.

I've never liked Arnold Schwarzenegger, I believe he is a big pig.
That is not why I am posting this, I just think it is refreshing to
see that men don't always age gracefully.

So actually, I'm providing a service...
Ok, ok, I feel guilty whenever I'm mean.

Picture courtesy of Defamer

Real Names

Pat Benatar ~ Patricia Andrejewski

Bono ~ Paul Hewson

David Bowie ~ David Jones

Albert Brooks ~ Albert Einstein

Ellen Burstyn ~ Edna Rae Gillooly

Michael Caine ~ Maurice Micklewhite

Alice Cooper ~ Vincent Damon Furnier

Elvis Costello ~ Declan Patrick McManus

Rodney Dangerfield ~ Jacob Cohen

Jodie Foster ~ Alicia Christian Foster

Judy Garland ~ Frances Gumm

Whoopi Goldberg ~ Caryn Johnson

Engelbert Humperdink ~ Arnold Dorsey

Spike Lee ~ Shelton Jackson Lee

George Michael ~ Georgious Panayiotou

Jane Seymour ~ Joyce Frankenberg

Omar Sharif ~ Michael Shalhouz

Sting ~ Gordon Matthew Sumner

Tina Turner ~ Annie Mae Bullock

John Wayne ~ Marion Michael Morrison

Gene Wilder ~ Jerome Silberman

Michael Jackson ~ Latoya Jackson (courtesy of Martin)


Courtesy of cool quiz

According to the Anagram Genius...

Come on Pilgrim anagrams to: compiling more
My full name anagrams to: hallowed, arid joy (whatever that means)

And of course I couldn't resist trying a few names of people who annoy me to no end.

George W. Bush = He grew bogus
Britney Spears = Best PR in years
Kevin Federline = Keen fine drivel
Whitney Houston = Shut it now, honey!
Charlie Sheen = Hence, he's liar
Denise Richards = In desired crash
The Hilton Sisters = Thirstiness hotel

Thanks to Michele for the link.

Engrish Pic of the Week

Their other store is Bullshit...

I am adamantly opposed to even the thought of this.

Sandra Bullock Gets Star on Walk of Fame

There's just something really wrong about this headline.

The Rob & Amber Show

Last night on the Rob & Amber show, oops, I mean The Amazing Race, it was another boring episode. My conspiracy theory involving CBS helping Rob & Amber to win just in time for their televised CBS wedding got a huge boost last night.

First, Rob & Amber seemed to get lost on their way to the Cabaña La Guatana ranch. Rob was even starting to whine, his cockiness seemed to diminish, just a little. He even ~gasp~ asked Amber if she knew where they were. (now, you know you're getting desperate if have to ask Amber for help) Of course Amber's answer was "uh I don't know." Then low and behold, they just stumble upon the place. Cockiness resumes in speedy fashion.

Second suspicious event of the show happened after Rob finished the gaucho horse riding challenge. It looked like he did it quickly but they never showed his time. Everyone else's time got shown either on the screen or on the chalkboard, not Rob's. The subtitle just said "perfect" how convenient. And surprise surprise, Rob and Amber made the 9:30 am flight to Buenos Aires and their luggage was even first off the plane. I don't even think with a horeseshoe up your ass you'd be that lucky.

Yes, I realize I sound like sour grapes and a little petty. I just really hate injustice in all of it's forms. From the little things to the huge, I've always been that way. I guess if Rob & Amber were a little humble and gracious it wouldn't be so bad but anyone who could walk onto a plane and sarcastically say "how's your stomach's" is a prick in my book. And don't even get me started on Amber. We've all known people who align themselves with anyone who can get them anywhere. Rob does the dirty work and she gets to sit back and fantasize about fitting into to that Barbie sized wedding dress. Never has a more boring person graced my television screen, ever!

Also, why did Alex & Lynn not win a trip when they came in first last week? Is the show trying to fuel more of a rivalry? If you are going to give prizes for finishing first shouldn't it be consistent?

I do think Alex & Lynn have to keep their eye on the prize and stop focusing so much on their hate for Rob & Amber. I loved their STD comment though, very funny. At least they seem to want to win which is more then I can say for most of the other teams.

I was becoming more then annoyed at the asshole comments from Ray.
-We are at the back of the pack with the bottom feeders.
-I don't want to run the race with these people.
-I won't lose to a couple of 70 years olds, I just won't have it.
-I'm a winner not a loser.
-The 70 year olds are a few decades older then what they should be.

Shut up! I cannot wait for them to get the boot and I hope it's Meredith & Gretchen who come in just before them, in a foot race!

I felt so bad for the Mom who has the most negative son ever! He was literally chastising her for being positive. She was crying on the mat and he wouldn't even put his arm around her. Usually The Amazing Race experience is a great one win or lose but not for Patrick, the world's biggest drag.

I Hate Caller Display

Caller display has turned me into a paranoid freak. I can't even answer the phone if it says unknown name, unknown number or private. I'm not in the witness protective program and we don't have creditors calling us but somehow I freak out whenever I can't see the number or name of who's calling.

We got caller display originally because we had a couple of stalker acquaintances in our lives. One was just annoying and has finally gotten the hint and the other was a real psycho who has since moved to Japan. Also, for the telemarketers who love to call at dinner time.

Well, I've learnt my lesson. I missed a call from my cousin in Australia who I really wanted to talk to. All because the phone said "unknown caller," I felt like such an idiot.

The other reason I hate caller display is: I usually leave all of the numbers on the phone for whenever I need them. Sometimes I forget to transfer the numbers I don't have into my address book but I think hey, they're on the phone. Well today I went to call Martin's Grandmother who just moved into an old age home and low and behold for no apparent reason all of the numbers stored on our phone were gone!

Yes, I realize that it's my fault and I should have just jotted the numbers down before but that's not the point of this story and for all of those who know me know that my mind does not work in logical ways. Still, how hard is it for numbers to stay on a phone!?! So for now, I'm going to chalk all of this up to hating caller display.

So today I decided to answer every friggin' call that rings. I've had to tell one telemarketer that I don't want another credit card and I now have to send Mother's Against Drunk Drivers a check for $15 because I couldn't say no to the very pushy lady on the phone. I don't know what's worse frankly. I hope my cousin calls back soon so I can go back to not answering the phone.

Welcome Home Poppy

Poppy gets home today from her little jaunt to Alberta.
We missed you!

Shocked

I was quite shocked this morning as I surfed around for news on the usual spots. Mainstream and alternative news sites still have the Terry Schiavo case front and centre. I surely would of thought that the school rampage shooting in Minnesota would have been the headline for one day at least. Boy, when the media sinks it's teeth into something they don't let go. I mean, Columbine was such a huge tragedy, 13 dead. We heard about it relentlessly for years. This is a huge tragedy as well, 10 dead. Would the Minnesota rampage have recieved more coverage if it didn't take place on an Indian Reservation? Just wondering.

Useless Facts of the Day

Pink Floyd's Dark Side of The Moon stayed on the top 200 Billboard charts for 741 weeks! That is 14 years.

No one knows where Mozart is buried.

Sharks and rays are the only animals known to man that don't get cancer.

Elephants can smell water from as far away as three miles.

More People use blue toothbrushes then red ones.

Forty percent of the American population has never visited a dentist.

Now That's A Heavy Sleeper

Sleeping senior ends up at B.C. morgue

VANCOUVER - A sleeping senior at a B.C. extended care facility was sent to a hospital morgue on Saturday, after being mistaken for her dead roommate.

According to Fraser Health Authority spokesperson Helen Carkner, the mix-up occurred when a driver who works for the company that transports the dead from the facility to the morgue didn't check the woman's wrist band for identification.

"He was shown by the nurse which room the [deceased] resident was in and the nurse pointed to the resident and gave the name," she told the Vancouver Sun. "She went back to the nursing station to complete the paperwork [and] for whatever reason, he picked the wrong individual."

The driver left the 87-year-old woman on a gurney in a hospital corridor. The mistake was discovered after a porter saw her move, and an employee at the extended care facility realized the mix-up and called the hospital.

The woman was taken back to the care facility in an ambulance and is doing fine, said Carkner.

She said the woman's family was understanding about what happened and satisfied that action was taken.

The driver, who was recently hired, was immediately fired.

CBC News

Engrish Pic of the Week

Engrish Pic of the Week
Originally uploaded by Mrs. H.

Mocha Art

Mocha poured by Bob
Originally uploaded by tonx.

Britney The Advice Columnist

I never thought that I'd post about Britney Spears but Jeez she makes it so damn hard. She really needs to quit with her "art" and follow her true calling: advice columnist.


Britney's Bad advice for Jacko

Pop superstar Britney Spears has offered some unusual advice to the beleaguered Michael Jackson he should get drunk and fight someone in a bar.

Britney told US magazine Allure of her sympathy for the megastar singer, currently on trial for charges of child molestation.

But the recently-married Britney believes all Jackson needs to help him sort out his life is a moustache and a beer

She told the magazine, "If he did those things, I feel sorry for him. I feel like he probably feels alone, and he needs some help.

"He needs someone to be like, 'OK, let's buck you up, let's give you a moustache, let's rough you up, let's go to a bar, let's get drunk and be a man.'

"And if he didn't do those things, I feel sorry for him. Either way, he needs to get in a fight."

The bizarre comments, and subsequent criticism from the magazine have led Britney to hit back at the glossy publication.

In an official posting on her website, the Toxic singer takes a swipe at Allure, and pledges to not speak about her private life any longer.

"I feel the article focused too much on my personal life and various events from my past...In the future, I will refrain from discussing my private life in interviews. It will be expressed solely through art," she writes.

By This is London

US detainee death toll 'hits 108'

At least 108 people have died in US custody in Iraq and Afghanistan, according to figures compiled by the Associated Press news agency.

Most deaths were violent and some 25% are being investigated as possible abuse by US personnel, the agency said.

The death toll - far higher than previously thought - was based on information the agency obtained from the US army, navy and other officials.

Abuse report

The AP found that of the 108 deaths in US custody:

• At least 26 have been investigated as criminal homicide involving the abuse of prisoners

• At least 29 are attributed to suspected natural causes or accidents

• Twenty-two are blamed on an insurgent mortar attack on Iraq's Abu Ghraib prison in April 2004

• At least 20 are attributed to "justifiable homicide", where investigations found US troops used deadly force appropriately - primarily against rioting, escaping or threatening prisoners.

Last week, a Pentagon report to Congress into prisoner abuse in Iraq and Afghanistan cited only six prisoner deaths in what it called "closed, substantiated abuse cases" as of last September.

The American Civil Liberties Union said it was "unacceptable" that no-one at the highest levels of government had been held accountable for the abuses.

"Despite the military's own reports of deaths and abuses of detainees in US custody, it is astonishing that our government can still pretend that what is happening is the work of a few rogue soldiers," said ACLU Executive Director Anthony Romero.

What We're Addicted To At The Moment

LOST

Take the quiz: "Which LOST character are you?"

This Story Is So Funny

Pay Your Taxes, Pa-Rum-Pum-Pum-Pum....

HYDERABAD, India (Reuters) - Tax defaulters in southern India are being forced to face the music after city authorities hired drummers to play non-stop outside their homes until they pay up.

After many residents ignored repeated demands to settle overdue property taxes. authorities in a city in Andhra Pradesh state have sent 20 groups of drummers to play outside offenders' houses for the past week.

"They put up a spectacle outside the houses of defaulters, draw them out and explain their dues to them and the need to clear it at the earliest," said T.S.R. Anjaneyulu, municipal commissioner of Rajahmundry city.

"They don't stop until people agree to clear the dues."

The city, owed a total of 50 million rupees ($1.15 million), had been at its wits' end after sops like waiving interest and penalties had failed to recover the arrears.

The new method seems to be working, though. One week of incessant drumming has cleared 18 percent of the backlog.

I Have Had 4 Different Nightmares Since This Story

California chimp attack leaves man in critical condition

CBC News

CALIENTE, CALIF. - Two chimpanzees broke free from their cage at a California animal sanctuary Thursday, chewing off most of a 62-year-old man's face and biting his wife.

The couple, St. James and LaDonna Davis, had been visiting their former pet chimp Moe at the Animal Haven Ranch. Moe had been removed from their Los Angeles home in 1999 for aggressive behaviour.

The couple, who had brought a birthday cake to Moe, were standing outside his cage when two other chimps in an adjoining cage, Buddy and Ollie, attacked.

Sanctuary officials say they don't know how Buddy and Ollie escaped from their cage.

Hospital officials say St. James Davis is in critical condition with massive injuries to his face, arm and leg. His testicles and a foot were severed and he will require extensive surgery to re-attach his nose.

His wife, LaDonna, was bitten on the hand while trying to save her husband.

The son-in-law of the sanctuary owner shot and killed Buddy and Ollie.

Two other female chimps in the cage with them also escaped, but were captured five hours later and returned to the enclosure.

Guess The Movie

Highschool Edition


1. Donger's here for five hours, and he's got somebody. I live here my whole life, and I'm like a disease.
Jessa ~ Sixteen Candles

2. Well, I like art, I work in a gas station, my best friend is a tomboy. These things don't fly too well in the American high school.
Carolyn ~ Some Kind of Wonderful

3. Sucking all the marrow out of life doesn't mean choking on the bone.
Jody ~ Dead Poets Society

4. This place used to be off limits, man, 'cause some drunk freshman fell right down the middle smacking his head on every beam, man. Autopsy said he only had one beer, how many did you have?
Jessa ~ Dazed & Confused

5. You guys have it real easy. I never had it like this where I grew up. But I send my kids here because the fact is you go to one of the best schools in the country: -------.

Now, for some of you it doesn't matter. You were born rich and your going to stay rich. But here's my advice to the rest of you: Take dead aim on the rich boys. Get them in the crosshairs and take them down. Just remember, they can buy anything but they can't buy backbone. Don't let them forget it. Thank you.
Jessa ~ Rushmore

6. I've got so many hickies people will think I'm a leper.
Poppy ~ Grease

7. So they've just been setting us up over the years with their E.T.'s and their Men In Black movies, just so no one would believe it if it ever happened.
Martin ~ The Faculty

8. I can see it all now, this is gonna be just like last summer. You fell in love with that girl at the Fotomat, you bought forty dollars worth of fuckin' film, and you never even talked to her. You don't even own a camera.
Martin ~ Fast Times At Ridgemont High

9. Guess who? It's 10 o'clock, do you care where your parents are?
Chelly ~ Pump Up The Volume

10. We don't have none of this stuff in the boy's room! Wait a minute! We don't got none of this... we don't got doors on the stalls in the boy's room, we don't have, what is this? What's this? We don't have a candy machine in the boy's room!
Carolyn ~ Pretty In Pink

Engrish Pic of the Week

Pardon?????

Coming Around

I woke up this morning and I felt somewhat human! I wasn't coughing my face off and I didn't feel like passing out after standing up. I'm happy! I've missed my blog, I hate when it goes idle.

Now That's A Big Croc!

KAMPALA, Uganda -A 16 Foot crocodile said to have eaten more than 80 people has been caught alive in Uganda and transferred to a sanctuary, officials said Tuesday.

The giant beast -- weighing about a ton-- was captured by wildlife experts who spent three nights camping in the bush before locating their target.

Residents told local media the crocodile killed 83 people over the last two decades, mostly fishermen plying their trade on Lake Victoria off the shores of Bugiri district.

"Much as the residents of Luganga wanted to kill the reptile after our rangers had captured it, it is our responsibility to protect it by removing it from that area and keeping it in a safe place," Uganda Wildlife Authority (UWA) spokeswoman Lillian Nsubuga told Reuters.

The beast - reportedly more than 60 years old -- was trapped using ropes and transported by pick-up truck to Buwama crocodile farm west of the capital Kampala.

The state-owned New Vision newspaper said it "roared" as it was released into a holding ground at the farm Monday.

Crocodiles sometimes attack and kill villagers collecting water or fishing in Lake Victoria, Africa's biggest lake.

Experts say most attacks are triggered as humans getting too close, and the crocodiles are protecting their territory.

Reuters

I wondered If This Was Going To Happen

'Lost' numbers come up losers
TV show fans buck 'curse' for shot at millions

Feeling unlucky?

A couple of hundred Michiganders were.

The ABC hit show "Lost" on Wednesday revealed a sequence of numbers - 4, 8, 15, 16, 23 and 42 - that seemed innocent but weren't, according to the story. Win the lottery with the numbers, and those around you lose - heart attacks, twisted ankles, fires, a plane crash.

So what did at least 215 people do after the show? They played the numbers for a shot at Friday's $10 million Mega Millions jackpot, lottery officials said.

They lost. (Phew.)

The pal of a winner might have been willing to endure a little pain for a chance to mooch the new-found millions, but with 11 states in the lottery, it was possible a couple of thousand people played those numbers.

"We'd have a big crowd here at lottery headquarters on Monday," said Gary Peters, head of Michigan's Lottery Bureau.

Winners would have beaten 1-in-135 million odds for about $4,500.

That would have been the perfect sequel for "Lost," which feels like "Gilligan's Island" gone bizarro.

A plane crashes, stranding people on a beach without a laugh track.

Wednesday's episode featured the back story on a character named Hurley, who won the lottery with cursed numbers. Where the numbers came from remains a mystery.

By Christine Rook
Lansing State Journal

Can You Say Trigger Happy?

U.S. forces shoot just-freed Italian hostage, kill guard

CBC News

ROME - Joy turned to horror in Italy on Friday when an Italian journalist who had been held hostage in Iraq was released, only to be shot by U.S. military forces at a checkpoint in Baghdad.

Journalist Giuliana Sgrena underwent shoulder surgery in Baghdad Friday.

Italian journalist Giuliana Sgrena suffered a shrapnel wound to her shoulder when an American armoured car fired on her vehicle, while an Italian intelligence officer accompanying her was killed.

Silvio Berlusconi, the Italian prime minister, has asked the American ambassador to explain the incident.

In Washington, the Pentagon confirmed that a shooting occurred as the Italian woman was being brought to an American base near Baghdad's airport, but gave no other details.

Sgrena, a 56-year-old reporter for the communist daily newspaper Il Manifesto had been held captive in Iraq since Feb. 4.

Thousands of demonstrators marched through downtown Rome last month demanding that Italy pull its troops out of Iraq, after a video was released of a tearful Sgrena warning that she would be killed if the country didn't withdraw.

Shortly after the video was released, the Italian senate voted to extend the country's 3,000-troop mission in Iraq to June.

Beyond Sad

This story is just too sad to comprehend.

Holy Cannoli!

I can't do a very long recap because I still feel like shit.
So far I like the brother team and the girl team who got in first but I hope they don't start bickering too much. I have to admit Rob was pretty funny last night but Amber's personality is still non existent.


I don't remember a season where there were so many non competitive teams. I really feel CBS has rigged this season in Rob & Amber's favour. Call me paranoid but I really think it's a setup for big ratings for their CBS wedding in April.

P.S. To Mr. POW if you don't want "many people to know" that you were shot down in Iraq, then don't fucking tell people.

I Hate This Woman

Published: February 27, 2005 2:00 PM

NEW YORK Ann Coulter, no stranger to controversy, stirred the pot some more this past week, when she took up the the still-simmering story of ex-White House reporter James Guckert, better known as Jeff Gannon, formerly of Talon News.

Writing in her Feb. 23 column for Universal Press Syndicate, Coulter observed, among other things, that Guckert/Gannon was a better reporter than The New York Times' Maureen Dowd and his "only offense is that he may be gay." Nothing unexpected there, but Coulter also wrote: "Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that old Arab Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the president."

But when the column got posted by Universal on its Web site, that line had been changed to: "Press passes can't be that hard to come by if the White House allows that dyspeptic, old Helen Thomas to sit within yards of the president."

The original column is still available at anncoulter.com and labelled "Universal Press Syndicate."

Helen Thomas continues to write a regular column for Hearst. Her parents are Lebanese. She has spent more than 60 years in journalism.

How does she get away with this shit?!?

Sick of Being Sick

I'm sick again. This literally has been the worst winter ever for sickness in our home and I am none too happy about it.

Question: Would you bring a very lethargic, sick boy to a birthday party?

Well, that is exactly what a very selfish woman did to us this weekend. I was so busy worrying about the games and the food preparation for 15 kids that I totally forgot to worry about the brainless twit factor.

Now we are all infected with this bad bug. I feel so bad for Bean because his Science project that he has worked so hard on is due to be presented on Wednesday and he probably won't be there to do it.

I'm someone who never grew up wanting or even thinking about kids, I've never even babysat for Christ sake. I was lucky enough to have two of the coolest kids known to man and I've never minded the hard work but I will NEVER get used to some of the annoying kids and their useless parents that we've had to deal with. How hard is it to teach manners and have some yourself?

I can't stand parents that whore themselves out just to make their kids happy 100% of the time. We've been stalked by a few sets of parents for "play dates" because their kids have really wanted to play with ours. One mother would even call me at 8:30 on a Sunday morning telling me we were first on her son's list of people he wanted to play with that day. I finally had to get call display, I am not kidding, she was manic. When her child says he wants something she doesn't rest until she gets it for him and they are not the only ones. NO seems to be a very dirty word these days.

Weekend's to me are family time not get rid of your kid time. They see each other at school for 6 hours a day! Bean is allowed to bring someone home for dinner and a movie every second Friday, he thinks it's enough and so do we.

I usually don't use my blog to rant about my personal life but today I just couldn't help it.

Engrish Pic of the Week

Did that cat just tell me to kill myself?

Guess The Movie

"Well, actually, nobody on this planet ever really chooses each other. I mean, it's all a question of quantum physics, molecular attraction, and timing. Why, there are laws we don't understand that bring us together and tear us apart. Uh, it's like pheromones. You get three ants together, they can't do dick. You get 300 million of them, they can build a cathedral."